When I think of my parents as a couple, opposing thoughts come to mind. I mean, they are two people who were married for 49 years and yet couldn’t be more different. I often wonder what drew them to each other, and people say “opposites attract”. But do they really? Can two people with completely opposing likes and needs find happiness in each other and be fulfilled? I wish I could say I knew the answer to that question, or that I’d figured out some kind of explanation, but I haven’t. All I can tell you is what I know.

About Her

My mother came from Poland to the United States when she was fifteen. She knew nothing of the culture or even of the ways of the world in general. She had to rely on her family to teach her how to dress, how to behave, how to carry herself in public. She learned all that and more, earning her citizenship and going to work to earn her own money. She has always been a loving and gregarious soul. She laughs the loudest, yells the loudest, has never met a stranger, and has a talent for speaking to people in difficult situations and putting them at ease. She can also do just the opposite and make you uneasy if she chooses. She isn’t afraid to rock the boat and see where it takes her. She comes from a large family and they celebrated life with food and drink and laughter. Mom enjoys trying new things and seeing new places and meeting people. They seem to have been a middle class family with my grandfather working several jobs to support everyone and provide them a nice home in the big city of Chicago.

About Him

Dad was about as opposite from that as could be. While he also came from a large family, the similarity ends there. I don’t know a whole lot about his boyhood and what he was like then, so if any relatives have stories about dad as a young boy please share them if you feel so inclined. I know that if he was anything like his adult version, dad was not like my mom. Dad was always a bit shy. He would speak to and joke with people he knew well but he didn’t generally approach strangers. He definitely didn’t like attention drawn to himself, and he preferred small groups to large crowds. He wasn’t a hugger nor was he overly emotional. He could be, but it wasn’t his regular demeanor. Dad was a homebody and would be more comfortable sitting on his own porch whittling or watching the cars go by than out about town. He grew up in the country and didn’t particularly like the busyness of the city.

About Them

I often wonder what their first conversations may have been like. I believe the initial attraction was physical. Mom has told me herself how good-looking my dad was when he was a young man, and she says it with a wistful tone in her voice. Dad was tall, dark, and handsome (minus the tall) with dark hair and eyes and tanned skin. Mom was quite a looker herself, she was a leggy blonde haired, blue eyed beauty. Looking at old photos, either of them would stand out in a room so it’s easy to see how they were drawn to one another in the beginning. What did they talk about though? What did they think of each other? How did they relate? How did they make it work all those years?

The answer is that they didn’t, not always. I have lots of memories of bickering and disagreements. I have memories of one doing something or saying something that the other did not approve of. I have memories of flat out fights that drug on for days. Yet I also have memories of one’s strengths holding things together where one’s weakness would be tearing them apart. When dad didn’t know what to say, mom spoke. When mom could only cry, dad made her laugh. And when mom was at her wit’s end and ready to leave, dad would write her a poem or a love letter and she would eventually forget she’d been so upset. Their differences divided them for sure, but they also held them together. I can’t say if this is how it works for every couple. I can’t say that it completely worked for my parents. All I know is that their tides compensated for each other when it mattered the most. When one was rushing out, the other was rushing in to fill the void. That is what made their story work for them.