Milestones are a funny things. Hours turn to days, turn to weeks, turn to months, and before you know it you’ve made a trip around the sun. Your calendar says it’s been so long, and yet your heart feels everything as if it were yesterday. The passage of time is difficult and also healing at the same time. You can’t stop it and you don’t want to, not really. We must let go of things to allow space for the new. It’s the process we all go through in life every day. We shed and we grow. To fight it is futile, so we find a way to march forward and look ahead. It’s not a dramatic rush to the beat of drums, but a subtle series of small steps daily that lead us ever into the future. And all of a sudden, there you are, in the moment that you couldn’t possibly have forseen.

Just One Year Ago…

One year ago today, we held your hands and sent you on your way with love and gratitude for all you gave us. It wasn’t a goodbye, but more of a “see you later”. Besides, I didn’t need to say goodbye – I talk to you every day still. You answer in your own way. Now here we are, a year has passed, and I know you’ve seen all that has transpired in that time.

You see your precious Sophie thriving and succeeding in all her endeavors. She is an incredible young lady and impresses everyone who meets her. She is smart and strong, clever and loving, and is a budding entrepreneur. You see your first grandchild growing her own little family; little Phoebe will join us any day now. I know you will send her to us with all your love. You see Brodee growing – the little boy who was barely walking is now running and talking. You see your own children parenting and grandparenting, navigating this life and succeeding as we help each other along the way, just as you would want us to. Most importantly, you see us together, and I know that makes you happy.

Your Gift

Being home has been such a gift to me. I know you were right about so many things, but my being here with family is the biggest one of all. You always knew what I needed before I could figure it out myself, I guess that’s one of the things that made you such a wonderful mother. At every turn, with every accomplishment or problem overcome, I look up and say ‘thank you mom’. I can’t wait to share everything with you, and I know you know. So many good things have come to me over the past year, and my heart is full. Even on my worst days, I am grateful. You taught us that.

Taking Care of Things

I remember your laugh. When we laugh, I hear you laughing alongside us. When I cry, I remember your words of wisdom and I pull it together. I listen to your windchimes and the birds chirping outside the door, as I sit and hear the sounds you heard and loved every day, I feel you close. And yes, I’m feeding your cardinals. Brodee has a snack drawer just like Sophie did. I slip Sophie a few dollars now and then like you would. I take Lindy to dinner sometimes and argue with her (loudly) when she tries to pay. I am trying to eat better and drink more water. I try not to aggravate my brother too much (that’s a tough one). I know I’ll never measure up to you, but maybe I can try to imitate and project your love a little along my way.

As you always said mom, life goes on. We’re doing okay, thanks to you. But you already know that.