On Sunday March 20, 2002 our dear mama and Babcia peacefully left this world to join her husband and her family in the next life. To say that we are sad and lonely without her here is an understatement. As I’ve written about in this blog previously, Babcia had health issues that her body could not overcome. As she grew older and grew weary, her weakened body sought rest. On that Sunday, she found the respite she so desperately wanted from her ailments.

When I think about the past two weeks, I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of care we have received in her name. Every thought, kind word, prayer, gift, and favor is a testament to the person she was and to the love that she freely gave to all who crossed her path. Her love and spirit have come back to us tenfold, and I know that is her still caring for us from afar. She loved her family first and foremost, and absolutely nothing could stop her from doing for those she held closest. So many people and things have been lights in the shadows, and I’d like to share some of that love with you all.

Mama kept telling us that she loved us right up until the end. Even in the hospital with all sorts of encumberments, she mouthed the words “I love you” to us. She smiled at funny comments and at photos of her grandchildren and great-grandson. She held our hands. She wanted us to know how much she loved us, even though we’ve known it our entire lives because she’s always shown us in everything she’s done. We told her too, because in every moment we wanted her to know how much she has done and how much her life has brought us joy.

The Appalachian Side

I don’t know if I’ve ever been more proud to be from West Virginia. While I’ve carried this pride my entire life, it was accentuated this past week. So many people reached out to us… our friends, her friends, her coworkers, her neighbors. Both people who knew my mama for years and people who knew her briefly came forward to give us a hug or to send a thought or to pray for her and for us. Appalachian people are proud, family-oriented people who show up for each other when there is a need and show up they did. I was stopped outside her house by neighbors who wanted to wish her recovery and to ask about her. There were offers of prayers, food, and help with the details of life that must be handled even in the midst of trouble.

Our family on our dad’s side traveled to share their comfort and their memories of our mama. We lost our dad four years ago. The affection they had for our mom brought them home to pay their respects, and to be with us when we needed them. We are so grateful for each and every one of you.

One thing that I will never forget as long as I live though, happened the day of Mama’s funeral. As the funeral procession made the half hour trip on it’s way through town and on to the cemetary, we saw the best of the Appalachian people that day. As we passed a man standing on a corner selling flowers, he bowed his head and wiped tears away; we did not know this man. People who were standing in their yards or on their porches stopped to bow their heads or place a hand across their heart as we passed. Along the entire route, all the cars came to a stop and pulled over as we passed out of respect. More than one person would later tell us that they’d never seen anything like it, and that you wouldn’t see that any place else. My brother’s response was, “This is how we do it here.” When anyone asks me why I’d want to come back to West Virginia, I will remember this day and my brother’s response. West Virginians are taught to respect family and tradition, and to honor these values and one another. I pray that every single person who pulled over to the side of the road that day is blessed in some way, as my mama would have prayed for them.

The Polish Side

My mama was very proud to be an American citizen. She was also very proud to be Polish. She instilled that pride in us as we grew. The Polish people, and my mama’s family specifically, have endured real hardship. They are also very strong and family centered. Even with all the difficulty and sacrifice though, my mama and her family have resisted any bitterness and pushed away sadness at every turn. My mama loved to laugh, it was her medicine. She knew that the secret to happiness was not to let your grief swallow you up, but rather to grasp every second of joy that you can and to embrace it fully. She had a loud laugh that everyone in the room could hear and be inclined to join her in. I used to feel a little self-conscious when that same laugh would come from me, but over the past few weeks when there was a moment of glee I found comfort in hearing that laugh that sounded a little like hers escape from my lungs.

Mama’s family came to be with her and with us as well. They sent messages and flowers. They traveled to West Virginia, her home. We shared stories, we shared food and drink, we laughed, we even sang a little. They brought the Polish to West Virginia, and I know that my mama was so happy to see us all together once more. They cared for us as she would have. As much as we love them and we know that they love us, this was not about us but rather a testament to the person that she was. She had put so much love out into the world during her lifetime, and it all came back to us. Even from beyond, she reminded us who we are and who we come from, and she wanted us to laugh.

The Journey

My mama’s life, hardships and celebrations, and her departure were all part of her journey. We could not know the full extent of it all. The continuance of our lives is part of our journey. I will miss talking to her and hearing her encouragement and her criticism, her observations, her stories and her thoughts. I will miss her beautiful smile and laugh. I will miss her daily morning and evening texts…. “dzien dobry kochanie Tammy”, and “dobranoc, ja cie kocham kochanie Tammy”. As much as I will miss her, I know that she has left a bountiful legacy of perseverance and love for everyone she knew. She prayed for everyone by name each day. She kept a written list of names and added to it any time I told her of someone having a hard time, whether she knew them personally or not. My faith, my work ethic, my love of family, my edgy sense of humor, my strength, all come from her. All I can do to thank her is to try to spread a little more of that laughter and love into the world with the time that I have left. I pray that she will help me to do that.

Thank you mama. Thank you for sharing your beautiful soul with us here. Godspeed to you on your continued journey. Keep praying for us… until we see you again.